Picking Up The Pieces
by MissMeggsie
Summary: Despite the heartbreaking last encounter at Bad Wolf Bay, somehow, life goes on. But what is Rose, without her Doctor? Can she still pull together some sort of satisfying life now that she's back on -- albeit a parallel -- Earth? STATUS: DROPPED
1. Chapter 1

'Rose Tyler…' The Doctor's image faded away, leaving me standing alone on the beach, still staring at the place he had just disappeared from. My hand flew up to cover my mouth as I felt a terrible anguished sob tearing at my throat. It felt like my heart had just ripped in two, then turned into some kind of dense metal and plunged to the bottom of my stomach. There was the painful sour prickle in my nose and the tears came pouring down relentlessly as I heard the sounds of hurried footsteps on the sand behind me, and then a pair of warm arms pulled me into a hug.

Mum didn't say anything at first as I sobbed into her coat. I didn't blame her, though; what could you possibly say to your twenty-year-old daughter when the man she loves is in another universe with no way of reaching her? Not a lot.

'Oh, Rose,' Mum said, stroking my hair comfortingly as I continued to soak her shoulder with my tears. 'Oh, my Rose…'

After a while I stopped sobbing, but the tears still refused to cease. The salt stung my eyes and my hair was sticking to the rivers down my cheeks. I felt dizzy – crying your heart out can do that to you. I pulled away from my mother's arms and sank slowly onto my knees. I felt the rough sand under my fingertips; the sand didn't belong to my world. Nothing here belonged to my world, except myself, my mum and Mickey. I blinked away the tears that had been blurring my vision, and looked past my mother to where Mickey and my dad were standing by the Jeep. My father, Pete Tyler, died twenty years ago; he was run over by a car at a friend's wedding. And yet here he was, standing on a beach in Norway – well, parallel Norway. And he wasn't my dad, really; he was the parallel Pete. And yet he still felt like he was. My dad, I mean. He treated me like a daughter – practising, maybe, for when the baby came.

'There's five of us now,' I'd said. 'Mum, Dad, Mickey and the baby.' The Doctor – my Doctor – had given me a look, which I couldn't quite understand; it almost looked sad.

'You're not…' he'd said.

'No,' I shook my head and laughed, catching on to where this was going. 'it's Mum. It's been three months now. More Tylers on the way…'

But… what had he been thinking, exactly? That me and Mickey…? I frowned at the sand that filtered slowly through my fingers. No. He would have known that that relationship had been no more than platonic for a long time, from my side at any rate.

So then he thought…? Well. I didn't even know if that actually worked. I mean, he _was_ an alien…

I shook my head to try to clear it, and get my thoughts back to the present; not the past, not what could have been. I had to forget that now.

I pushed myself up off the ground, brushing off the sand on my hands on the front of my jeans. Mum watched me, her brow knitted together in concern for me, like she thought I was going to have a major break down at any moment. She reached forward and brushed away the couple of stray blonde hairs that were sticking to my tear-stained cheeks.

'Time to go home?' she asked, just like how she did when she'd taken me to the park when I was a little kid. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me gently on the forehead.

'Yeah,' I sighed, swallowing, 'let's go.'

No one said anything as we climbed back into the Jeep, although I caught a couple of concerned glances passed between the other three. The whole journey back to the house was filled with that silence – the one where nobody can think of anything to say, but nobody really feels like much talking anyway. So I was left alone to think, which would have been okay in any other situation, but at the moment my mind had been completely taken over with thoughts about how I was stranded on parallel Earth in a parallel universe to the one I had known, and the one the Doctor was stuck in with no means of getting to me without risking the collapse of both universes. And that I loved him, and didn't get to hear him say the same. I wiped away another tear on the sleeve of my coat.


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark when we finally arrived back outside the house – too dark to see my watch. Dad swept into the driveway and cut the engine, the headlights switching off at the same time, plunging the gravel of the drive into darkness. Mickey sat slumped on the seat next to me, his head resting against the window as he slept. Gently, I prodded him awake.

'Wha—what's going on?' he grunted blearily, blinking in the darkness inside the car.

'We're home,' I murmured, pointing outside.

'Oh, yeah.' Mickey yawned as he unclipped his seatbelt, and slid forward on the seat as he opened the door and jumped out. I followed, clambering out after him and shutting the door behind me.

The night air was cold, and still with that kind of silence that always accompanied the moon. We stood for a few moments, waiting for Dad to find his keys and watching our breath as it blossomed out of our mouths in little clouds, which then disappeared into the air in a way that painfully reminded me of the way the Doctor had disappeared hours before. I decided not to breathe until I was safely inside where it was warm.

There was the jangling of small pieces of metal clinking together, signalling to everyone that the keys had at last been found in one of Dad's deep trouser pockets.

'Took you long enough,' Mum complained, shivering slightly. Dad shrugged.

'Sometimes I swear these pockets are bigger on the inside,' he said, in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit. I looked at the ground as my eyes threatened to spill over. I refrained from kicking myself. This had to stop; I had to stop linking everything to _him_ or I'd never stop crying…

'Are you staying again tonight, Mickey?' Dad asked, fitting the key into the lock of the door.

'Yeah, if you don't mind, Pete,' Mickey replied, smiling apologetically. 'Sorry for causing you any trouble…'

'No, Mickey sweetheart, it's not any trouble,' Mum said, hugging him. 'You're welcome here any time you want.'

'Thanks Jackie,' said Mickey, smiling gratefully. He glanced in my direction and I briefly hitched what I hoped was a smile onto my face.

Dad pushed the door open and went inside, closely followed by Mickey. Mum was halfway over the threshold when she glanced at my face. I hurriedly tried to dab away the evidence on my coat sleeve again. Mum sighed.

'Oh, Rose,' she said again, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. 'Come on, get inside, it's cold out here. I think a fog must have followed us home from the coast…' She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and directed me inside, shutting the door behind me.

I took off my coat, hanging it up on one of the hooks in the hallway, feeling Mum's eyes on me. I walked past her to the stairs, which I began climbing two at a time.

'Rose? What are you doing?' asked Mum from the foot of the stairs, her hand on the post of the wooden banister.

'I'm going to bed,' I called back, my voice flat.

'But – but wouldn't you like a cup of tea or something? Rose?'

I practically ran up the last few stairs, and yanked open my bedroom door. I slipped inside and shut it quickly behind me. It was a relief to be alone, without all the stares from Mum, Dad and Mickey, even if it was only because they were worried about me.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the door, breathing heavily. Then, feeling my knees give way beneath me, I slid to the ground and landed in a heap at the foot of the door, hugging my knees against my chest as I felt the hot, salty tears come pouring down again.


	3. Chapter 3

Some time later, when I was too exhausted to cry any longer, I dragged myself up off the floor and across the room to my bed. I didn't have the energy to be bothered changing into a pair of pyjamas, so instead I just kicked off my shoes and climbed under the covers. Hopefully, I'd have used enough of my energy crying to be able to get some sleep. I doubted it though, I hadn't slept a full night in three months...

I rolled over onto my side into the foetal position and closed my eyes, trying to avoid all thought. A couple of minutes later, and I was back in the Torchwood Tower…

Paper, Daleks and Cybermen were hurtling in their thousands towards the bright white light that was coming from a blank stretch of wall a couple of metres away. I clung on for dear life to the Magneclamp, the wind making my eyes water. Across the room from me, also hanging on as the Void tried to suck him in, was the Doctor. He gave me a triumphant grin – his plan was working. I grinned back, all too soon.

There was a flash of sparks, an electrical cracking and a snap, barely audible over the roar of the air as it rushed past our ears, and the lever on my side of the room began to slowly move back into the Off position.

'_Offline_,' declared the calm, feminine voice of the computer. I shot a panicked glance at the Doctor, and for once I saw the fear in his eyes. But I had to do it; I couldn't _not _do it, or the world could be destroyed.

Cautiously, I held onto the Magneclamp with one hand, and reached out towards the lever with the other. But it continued to move in the other direction, further away from my straining hand. I paused, then I jumped, my hands reaching desperately for the lever as the Void threatened to pull me in. I griped it, and, glancing at the Doctor again, began pushing against it with everything I had.

'_Online, and locked_,' declared the computer. I felt my heart thump against my ribs, as though it was bursting to get out and escape before the Void sucked me in. My knuckles turned white as my fingers tightened further around the lever, trying desperately not to let go. But I was slipping.

'ROSE!' came the Doctor's frightened yell, his expression wild with panic. 'Hold on!'

I clenched my jaw, desperately trying to readjust my clammy fingers as they continued to slide, the Void tugging at me relentlessly, insisting that I let go.

'HOLD ON!'

I did hold on, for as long as I could, until finally, my fingers slipped from around the lever. I screamed as I felt myself being pulled backwards towards the light, twisting in the air as I fought vainly to regain my grip on the lever.

It was surreal; after all my time with the Doctor, I had never thought that it would end like this – everything had always ended ok, we were always safe – always together. We always won. But this time, I thought, with a horrible blast of realisation as though someone had just plunged at fist into my stomach, we had lost.

'_ROSE_!' screamed the Doctor, reaching out to me desperately as I fell towards the Void. It was useless, though. This was the end.

There was a dull _thump_ as I fell against something solid, and a pair of arms caught me. My shocked gaze snapped back to the Doctor, who's expression was wild with alarm. Then suddenly he vanished, along with Torchwood Tower and the Void.

I shot up off the pillow, panting, my heart beating erratically as though I'd just run a marathon. My face was wet with a cold sweat and tears. I wiped them away with my palm. I'd been reliving that day at Torchwood in my dreams every night for 3 whole months, and yet it still terrified me every time.


	4. Chapter 4

Some time later, when I was too exhausted to cry any longer, I dragged myself up off the floor and across the room to my bed. I didn't have the energy to be bothered changing into a pair of pyjamas, so instead I just kicked off my shoes and climbed under the covers. Hopefully, I'd have used enough of my energy crying to be able to get some sleep. I doubted it though, I hadn't slept a full night in three months...

I rolled over onto my side into the foetal position and closed my eyes, trying to avoid all thought. A couple of minutes later, and I was back in the Torchwood Tower…

Paper, Daleks and Cybermen were hurtling in their thousands towards the bright white light that was coming from a blank stretch of wall a couple of metres away. I clung on for dear life to the Magneclamp, the wind making my eyes water. Across the room from me, also hanging on as the Void tried to suck him in, was the Doctor. He gave me a triumphant grin – his plan was working. I grinned back, all too soon.

There was a flash of sparks, an electrical cracking and a snap, barely audible over the roar of the air as it rushed past our ears, and the lever on my side of the room began to slowly move back into the Off position.

'_Offline_,' declared the calm, feminine voice of the computer. I shot a panicked glance at the Doctor, and for once I saw the fear in his eyes. But I had to do it; I couldn't _not _do it, or the world could be destroyed.

Cautiously, I held onto the Magneclamp with one hand, and reached out towards the lever with the other. But it continued to move in the other direction, further away from my straining hand. I paused, then I jumped, my hands reaching desperately for the lever as the Void threatened to pull me in. I griped it, and, glancing at the Doctor again, began pushing against it with everything I had.

'_Online, and locked_,' declared the computer. I felt my heart thump against my ribs, as though it was bursting to get out and escape before the Void sucked me in. My knuckles turned white as my fingers tightened further around the lever, trying desperately not to let go. But I was slipping.

'ROSE!' came the Doctor's frightened yell, his expression wild with panic. 'Hold on!'

I clenched my jaw, desperately trying to readjust my clammy fingers as they continued to slide, the Void tugging at me relentlessly, insisting that I let go.

'HOLD ON!'

I did hold on, for as long as I could, until finally, my fingers slipped from around the lever. I screamed as I felt myself being pulled backwards towards the light, twisting in the air as I fought vainly to regain my grip on the lever.

It was surreal; after all my time with the Doctor, I had never thought that it would end like this – everything had always ended ok, we were always safe – always together. We always won. But this time, I thought, with a horrible blast of realisation as though someone had just plunged at fist into my stomach, we had lost.

'_ROSE_!' screamed the Doctor, reaching out to me desperately as I fell towards the Void. It was useless, though. This was the end.

There was a dull _thump_ as I fell against something solid, and a pair of arms caught me. My shocked gaze snapped back to the Doctor, who's expression was wild with alarm. Then suddenly he vanished, along with Torchwood Tower and the Void.

I shot up off the pillow, panting, my heart beating erratically as though I'd just run a marathon. My face was wet with a cold sweat and tears. I wiped them away with my palm. I'd been reliving that day at Torchwood in my dreams every night for 3 whole months, and yet it still terrified me every time.


	5. Chapter 5

'Are you alright, babe?'

My gaze snapped to the mirror; Mickey was standing in his pyjamas in the doorway of the bathroom, watching me with a look of concern. I quickly wiped the tears away with my thumb and turned around to face him.

'I'm fine,' I said quickly. 'I'm sorry, did I wake you?' My voice was still all squeaky and uneven. He just looked at me, frowning.

'No babe, you're not fine.' Mickey quickly closed the gap of tiles between us and wrapped his arms around me. I broke down – it seemed like anything could set me off today. I hugged him back, burying my face into his shoulder as he rocked me slightly.

'It's ok, Rose,' he said, his voice low. 'I know what it's like. I felt the same way when I lost my gran.'

'Except that you got her back,' I pointed out, sniffing.

'Yeah, but she calls me Rickey.' There were a couple of moments where neither of us said anything, our thoughts on the Cybermen. Mickey cleared his throat. 'And anyway,' he continued, 'who's to say you won't get the Doctor back too?'

I pulled away enough to look at him.

'I can't,' I said, my voice flat. Mickey raised his eyebrows.

'Well, not with that attitude, no,' he said. He let go of me. 'Don't you love him?'

I stared at him, my eyebrows slowly knitting together.

'Rose?'

'You know I do…' I answered slowly.

'And don't you believe in him?'

'Well – of course, but what—'

'And he loves and believes in you too, that's obvious! So don't you think he'll try to get you back?' I frowned as Mickey's wide eyes searched mine.

'Mickey,' I said slowly, trying to keep my voice even and patient, 'he told me he can't, both our universes could collapse—' Mickey snorted.

'And since when has that scared you before?' he said, almost rudely, like I'd done him some personal wrong. I continued to frown at him.

'Mickey – what is this about?' I asked flatly. He sighed.

'You just don't see, do you Rose?' he continued, shaking his head and giving me a slightly patronizing look. 'Look at all of the stuff you two did together, all the times you saved Earth! You battled those big bog-monster things in 10 Downing Street, and those clockwork guys and – and the Daleks!' He stared at me, his eyes wide, urging me to see whatever it was that he saw. 'Why should now be any different, Rose? You're smart, and you're brave, and you've got to keep fighting – you can't just give up now! And don't give up on the Doctor either! He came back for you when we were waiting for him to stop those clock-men – I'll bet that if there's any way in the universe – universes – that he can get you back, Rose, he will. _He loves you_!'

That must have been the longest speech Mickey had ever made. We could only stare at one another for several seconds; him, because he was probably out of breath, and me because I was stunned into speechlessness.

'He _loves_ you, Rose,' he said again, eyes pleading with me to understand, a kind of pained but determined look on his face. I could only stare at him, my eyes brimming with tears yet again.

'Don't you understand that?' Mickey urged, holding me by the shoulders.

'But he would never risk two _entire_ _universes_ for anything,' I said, my voice shaking. 'He's not selfish like that…'

Mickey looked at me pityingly. 'But how can you say that, when you don't know if it's even true, Rose?'

'What do you mean? Of course it's true!' I snapped indignantly.

'Oh really? So you know that from experience?' he asked, raising his eyebrows sceptically. I glared at him.

'No,' I said shortly. 'But I know the Doctor, and I know what he's like. And I know that he wouldn't risk billions of lives for anyone, even if he did love them!' My voice got steadily more and more hysterical until I felt the tears that had been threatening to spill for the last couple of minutes finally fall.

'What's going on?' came Dad's voice from the doorway. Mickey and I both jumped – I don't think either of us had realised that we'd been raising our voices. Mum was standing with Dad, both watching us with concerned faces.

'Is everything alright?' she asked, looking from me to Mickey.

'Yeah,' Mickey said, 'Sorry if we woke you, neither of us could sleep, so we were just talking.' He flashed a quick smile. Mum didn't look entirely convinced, but what could she do. Mickey cleared his throat and exited the bathroom, Mum and Dad stepping aside to let him past. Dad lingered for a moment, but then headed back to his and Mum's room.

Mum leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, regarding me with a worried expression. I smiled briefly, hurriedly wiping the tears from my cheeks, then hurried past her back towards my own room. I heard her sigh as I went past.

'Rose,' she called as I laid my hand on the doorknob. I turned to look at her. She sighed again worriedly, folding her arms. 'Goodnight,' she sighed finally, seeming to find nothing else to say.

''Night, Mum,' I replied, voice flat as it had been since we got home. We paused for another couple of moments, then I turned the knob and went back into my room.


	6. Chapter 6

'Are you alright, babe?'

My gaze snapped to the mirror; Mickey was standing in his pyjamas in the doorway of the bathroom, watching me with a look of concern. I quickly wiped the tears away with my thumb and turned around to face him.

'I'm fine,' I said quickly. 'I'm sorry, did I wake you?' My voice was still all squeaky and uneven. He just looked at me, frowning.

'No babe, you're not fine.' Mickey quickly closed the gap of tiles between us and wrapped his arms around me. I broke down – it seemed like anything could set me off today. I hugged him back, burying my face into his shoulder as he rocked me slightly.

'It's ok, Rose,' he said, his voice low. 'I know what it's like. I felt the same way when I lost my gran.'

'Except that you got her back,' I pointed out, sniffing.

'Yeah, but she calls me Rickey.' There were a couple of moments where neither of us said anything, our thoughts on the Cybermen. Mickey cleared his throat. 'And anyway,' he continued, 'who's to say you won't get the Doctor back too?'

I pulled away enough to look at him.

'I can't,' I said, my voice flat. Mickey raised his eyebrows.

'Well, not with that attitude, no,' he said. He let go of me. 'Don't you love him?'

I stared at him, my eyebrows slowly knitting together.

'Rose?'

'You know I do…' I answered slowly.

'And don't you believe in him?'

'Well – of course, but what—'

'And he loves and believes in you too, that's obvious! So don't you think he'll try to get you back?' I frowned as Mickey's wide eyes searched mine.

'Mickey,' I said slowly, trying to keep my voice even and patient, 'he told me he can't, both our universes could collapse—' Mickey snorted.

'And since when has that scared you before?' he said, almost rudely, like I'd done him some personal wrong. I continued to frown at him.

'Mickey – what is this about?' I asked flatly. He sighed.

'You just don't see, do you Rose?' he continued, shaking his head and giving me a slightly patronizing look. 'Look at all of the stuff you two did together, all the times you saved Earth! You battled those big bog-monster things in 10 Downing Street, and those clockwork guys and – and the Daleks!' He stared at me, his eyes wide, urging me to see whatever it was that he saw. 'Why should now be any different, Rose? You're smart, and you're brave, and you've got to keep fighting – you can't just give up now! And don't give up on the Doctor either! He came back for you when we were waiting for him to stop those clock-men – I'll bet that if there's any way in the universe – universes – that he can get you back, Rose, he will. _He loves you_!'

That must have been the longest speech Mickey had ever made. We could only stare at one another for several seconds; him, because he was probably out of breath, and me because I was stunned into speechlessness.

'He _loves_ you, Rose,' he said again, eyes pleading with me to understand, a kind of pained but determined look on his face. I could only stare at him, my eyes brimming with tears yet again.

'Don't you understand that?' Mickey urged, holding me by the shoulders.

'But he would never risk two _entire_ _universes_ for anything,' I said, my voice shaking. 'He's not selfish like that…'

Mickey looked at me pityingly. 'But how can you say that, when you don't know if it's even true, Rose?'

'What do you mean? Of course it's true!' I snapped indignantly.

'Oh really? So you know that from experience?' he asked, raising his eyebrows sceptically. I glared at him.

'No,' I said shortly. 'But I know the Doctor, and I know what he's like. And I know that he wouldn't risk billions of lives for anyone, even if he did love them!' My voice got steadily more and more hysterical until I felt the tears that had been threatening to spill for the last couple of minutes finally fall.

'What's going on?' came Dad's voice from the doorway. Mickey and I both jumped – I don't think either of us had realised that we'd been raising our voices. Mum was standing with Dad, both watching us with concerned faces.

'Is everything alright?' she asked, looking from me to Mickey.

'Yeah,' Mickey said, 'Sorry if we woke you, neither of us could sleep, so we were just talking.' He flashed a quick smile. Mum didn't look entirely convinced, but what could she do. Mickey cleared his throat and exited the bathroom, Mum and Dad stepping aside to let him past. Dad lingered for a moment, but then headed back to his and Mum's room.

Mum leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, regarding me with a worried expression. I smiled briefly, hurriedly wiping the tears from my cheeks, then hurried past her back towards my own room. I heard her sigh as I went past.

'Rose,' she called as I laid my hand on the doorknob. I turned to look at her. She sighed again worriedly, folding her arms. 'Goodnight,' she sighed finally, seeming to find nothing else to say.

''Night, Mum,' I replied, voice flat as it had been since we got home. We paused for another couple of moments, then I turned the knob and went back into my room.


	7. Chapter 7

I shut the door behind me and glanced at the digital alarm clock near my bed; it was 2:41 in the morning. I sighed. I didn't really know what I was going to do with myself tomorrow, but the chances were that I would require at least a few more hours sleep if I was going to stay awake at all. My feet started wandering back over to the bed, but then stopped as I remembered the dream I'd had before I'd woken up. I really didn't want to go back to sleep just to start reliving the day at Torchwood again.

I sighed and padded across the carpeted floor to the wardrobe, and slid one of the mirrored doors aside. My wardrobe was still fairly pitifully stocked – well, the only clothing I'd had three months ago was what I had been wearing the day the war with the Daleks and the Cybermen had broken out on Earth. Dad had given Mum and I some money and the two of us had gone out shopping for whole new wardrobes – although me more than Mum, because lucky for her, Dad had kept a lot of the parallel Jackie's clothes after she'd been claimed by the Cybermen.

I pulled out a pair or pyjamas from one of the shelves, and taking off the clothes I was wearing, I put them on. I sighed. That was much more comfortable. I dumped my jeans and shirt on the floor near the foot of the wardrobe, deciding that I'd deal with them when I had the energy.

My arms fell down by my sides as I wondered what to do. I looked about my shadowy room; it was very plain, all of my pictures and soft toys had been left in the flat back on the other Earth… Had anyone been in there since we'd left? Mum and I would both be on the list of the dead, so what had happened to all our things? The landlord had probably thrown most of it out, maybe salvaging some of the more valuable things…

I sighed again, deciding to brave my bed and let the dream come as it may. I could probably still squeeze in a few hours of sleep before daybreak, if I was lucky. I sat down on the mattress and swung my legs up under the covers, and pulled the duvet up to my chin. I turned over, and felt sleep slowly claim me once more.

When I awoke the next morning, I couldn't remember if I'd dreamt about Torchwood again or not. Maybe I'd been lucky, and hadn't dreamed at all…

I stumbled out of bed and over to the wardrobe, sleepily laying my hands on any two pieces of clothing and putting them on. I slid the mirrored doors closed, and briefly examined my reflection in one of them. I smoothed the wrinkles out of the pale blue top, pulled a brush quickly through my hair and tied it back, then crossed the room to the door and pulled it open, stepping out into the hall and shutting it behind me. I wandered slowly down the stairs, my ears straining to hear any noises in the house that would indicate where it's other occupants were. It sounded like my mother was chatting to someone in the kitchen.

I walked down the last few stairs, and over to the doorway of the kitchen. Mum was cooking something, holding the phone awkwardly to her ear with her shoulder as she stirred a bowl full of some kind of mixture.

'Yeah… yeah well I've thought about it, yeah… You know, I was thinking of taking her shopping, do you think that'll help? … Oh. Yeah…' In seeing movement in the doorway, Mum glanced over. She looked momentarily surprised, then immediately fixed a smile on her face and started talking noticeably louder into the phone. 'Oh, well, I'll see you tomorrow then, Beth! Bye!' She hung up hurriedly, and dropped the phone onto the counter.

'Morning, sweetheart,' she said, 'Did you sleep ok? Mickey said last night that you couldn't sleep…'

'Oh,' I said, at a loss of what else to say.

'I heard you crying again last night,' she admitted, with a small smile that was somewhere between sympathetic and apologetic. I pursed my lips. 'I came in to check on you, but you were fast asleep,' she continued, sighing and putting down the large wooden spoon that she'd been using to stir whatever was in the bowl. 'What were you dreaming about?'

I frowned at her, not moving from my stiff pose in the doorway.

'Oh,' she said, 'That. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.'

I sighed, but didn't say anything. Mum watched me as I frowned at the white morning light pouring in from the window.

'Sit down,' she said, stepping over to where I stood and, placing a hand on my shoulder, guided me into a chair at the kitchen table. 'I'll make you some tea.' Mum smiled, and turned back to the bench, switching on the electric kettle.

I sat in silence, staring at my hands as I traced the lines on my palm. Finally, just about at the same time that the kettle switched itself back off with a click, Mum let out an exasperated sigh.

'Rose,' she said, in a tone one might use when talking to five year old who has just drawn all over themselves with a pen, 'This has got to stop.'

I frowned at her in confusion.

'What? I'm not doing anything!'

'Exactly!' she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. 'You don't take an interest in _anything_ anymore! You haven't even asked what I'm making yet!'

I looked over at the bowl of something, temporarily discarded on the kitchen bench.

'Should I have?' I raised an eyebrow slightly.

'Yes!' Mum frowned. 'Normal people would!'

'That's nice Mum, thanks,' I said, giving her a very sarcastic look. She sighed.

'Well, Rose, you can't tell me how you're behaving now is normal.'

'Well maybe not by your standards, no, but you haven't lost anyone recently,' I spat.

'You talk about him like he's _died_!' she said, giving me a strange look.

'I'm the one who died…' I muttered.

'What was that?

'Nothing.' I glared at my hand, which had balled it's self into a fist in the last minute or so.

'Nothing,' Mum repeated, more to herself than to me. 'That'd be right. That's all anyone can get from you, Rose Tyler, "nothing".'

I felt my fingernails digging slowly into my palms, but I didn't say anything. I heard Mum sigh again.

'Rose.'

I unclenched my fists, examining the small pink crescent shapes my fingernails had left in my palms.

'Rose,' Mum said again, impatience now edging her tone. 'Listen to me. I just think that you need to snap out of this now and get on with your life!'

My gaze snapped to hers, which I met with a glare.

'I just mean that it's been _three_ months now. Shouldn't you be getting over it already?' Her brow knitted together in concern. 'Maybe we should see a councillor or something…'

'No, thank you,' I said sourly. Mum sighed.

'Rose, I don't know why you can't just let go of what has happened and start living a normal life again like you used to!'

'I just can't,' I said stiffly. 'Once you've been shown a million different years and been to places all over the universe, seen how big it is – when you get dropped back on Earth after that… I just feel so small and _useless!_'

'Well,' Mum muttered, more to herself than to me, 'The way you're acting right now, Rose, those would be the words I'd use too…'

I scowled at her. She glared back, then sighed again, her expression softening slightly.

'Rose,' she said, almost pleadingly, 'you don't know how hard it is to watch you being so unhappy all the time, and shutting yourself away. I know that what happened yesterday was probably very hard for you, and I can understand that you're still a bit tender about it all… But you can't keep this up this forever, Rose. The longer you let yourself mope around the more damage you're going to do to yourself…'

Mum gazed at me worriedly, and slipped into the chair opposite mine.

'I know how hard it is. I was like this when I lost your Dad… But I suppose I was lucky,' the corners of her mouth twitched up in an odd little smile for a second. 'because I had you to keep me going.' Mum reached across the table and squeezed my hand. 'Maybe I can return the favour and help you?'

I stared at our hands.

'Thanks, Mum,' I said, but my tone was still flat. 'I think this is something I have to deal with on my own though. Because really, you've got no idea how I feel right now.' I twitched my hand out of her grasp, and slid it back off the table and into my lap. I glanced at her, but regretted it almost immediately when I saw her hurt expression.

'Rose…'

'Mum, I can deal with this on my own, ok?'

'No you can't!' She was angry now. 'You can't deal with it Rose Tyler, or you'd already be over it by now!'

'Hey!' I snapped defensively. 'You've got no idea what it's like! I _loved _him, Mum! I still love him!' My voice wavered dangerously and I felt my eyes well up with tears.

'Ok.' That was all she said. She didn't even snap at me. Just "ok", like it was settled. Just like that.

I stared at her, my brow furrowing in confusion. Mum gazed at me for a moment, her expression unreadable, then she pushed the chair backwards and got up, returning to her cooking. I continued to gape at her for a couple of moments, before I got up out of my chair and crossed the kitchen tiles to where the electric kettle sat on the bench.

I yanked open one of the cupboards above the bench and got out a cup and a teabag, setting them down on the bench, and filling the cup with boiling water from the kettle. I frowned at the steam as it poured off the stream of water splashing into my cup, then at the teabag as I dumped it into the water and prodded at it with a teaspoon. I added some sugar and some milk from the bottle in the fridge, then stomped out of the kitchen, cup of tea in hand. At the doorway I snuck a glance over my right shoulder, and saw that Mum wasn't even glowering at my retreating back, instead just calmly stirring the contents of the bowl.

I frowned. I still hadn't asked what she was making.


	8. Chapter 8

I sat slumped on the lounge, staring moodily into my cup of tea. There were the sounds of footsteps in the hall, then they stopped suddenly, coming to a halt at the doorway into the room. I looked up to see who it was.

'Rose,' said Mickey, a little stiffly. There was a tension in the air between us, probably in consequence of our last conversation. 'Jackie told me to ask you if you were going to come shopping this afternoon.' Was everyone mad at me?

'Oh.' I examined the fingernails of my left hand.

'She wants to look for stuff for the baby.'

'Right.'

Mickey sighed. 'Rose.'

'Yes?' My tone was curt. Mickey sighed again and sat down in an armchair across from me.

'Rose,' he said again, 'are you ok?'

'I'm fine,' I replied shortly, refusing to look at him.

'No, you're not.'

'Well if that's how you're going to be, then why did you bother asking?' I snapped. Mickey ignored that.

'Look, Rose,' he said, 'you've got to do something.'

'What are you talking about?' I demanded, frowning.

'I mean that you've got to stop moping around and biting everyone's heads off! Can't you see that we're only trying to help?!'

I decided that glaring at the vase in the corner of the room was the best approach in responding to that. I heard Mickey sigh.

'Rose, I'm not having this conversation just to have a go at you. It's just that seeing you miserable all the time is making the rest of us miserable too, Rose. We just want to see you happy again!'

I continued to glare at the vase, if with a little less hostility. It was a tall vase, bottle-blue and made of glass, with a small arrangement of dried flowers protruding out of the top.

'The only way I'm going to be happy again is if I can see the Doctor again, and go back to how things were when we travelled,' I said bitterly through a clenched jaw. The vase was just a smudge of blue against the cream of the wall now. On the pretences that I was brushing a piece of hair out of my eyes, I wiped the brimming tears away before they had a chance to fall.

Mickey's slightly exasperated sigh came from somewhere to my right.

'I know that,' he said.

'Well then don't you understand?'

'Yes. I do,' he said. 'Rose, look at me.'

I turned to look at him. He'd moved so that he was now leaning forward on the seat, and looking at me intently.

'Rose, you have two options.'

'And what are they?' I gave him an uninterested look.

'One, you can get over the Doctor and make a new life for yourself here on parallel Earth—'

'Hah,' I scoffed, turning to glare at the vase again.

'Or two,' Mickey continued, unfazed by my rudeness, 'you can stop waiting for the Doctor to come and get you, and go find him yourself.'

My gaze snapped back to his face, studying it with a slight frown. I'm not sure what it was I was expecting to find there, but I didn't find it.

'What did you say?' I asked, surprise edging my otherwise flat tone.

'I said that if that's the only thing that's going to make you happy, then you have to try and get back to him, Rose!' Mickey had that kind of pained, yet urgent look on his face again. I bit my lip guiltily. He still had feelings for me, that much was obvious. But at the same time he was trying to get me back to the Doctor, so that I would be happy. Really, what had I done to him all those years ago?

I stared at him sadly.

'Mickey, I can't.'

'Why not?'

'Because…'

'What?'

'I don't know,' I admitted, looking down.

'Hah,' Mickey pointed a finger at me triumphantly. 'There we are then, if you can't find a reason, then we're going.'

'What?' My brow furrowed in confusion. 'Going where?'

'To find the Doctor.'


	9. Chapter 9

'What?!' I gaped at him incredulously. '"We?" Mickey, this is insane!'

'Why?' Mickey gave me a confused look.

'Mickey, I thought I already _told_ you!' I said impatiently. 'The Doctor _said_ that he couldn't get through here without risking making two universes collapse!'

'Well, so?' he shrugged. 'Maybe the Doctor's wrong, you can't tell me that he gets it right all the time.'

I frowned at my cup of tea. I could feel it slowly cooling down under my fingers, and I'd barely even touched it yet. I sighed.

'Mickey, I can't.'

'Of course you can.'

'No.' I sighed again. 'Really, I can't do this now. Not without him.'

'Yes,' he insisted stubbornly, 'you can, Rose. Would it help if I said I believe in you?'

I rolled my eyes, and felt the corner of my mouth twitch up in what I thought must have been half a – what was that word? Oh. A smile.

'Mickey, I'm being serious.'

'So am I.'

I sighed again; his stubbornness was really quite frustrating.

'Mickey?'

'Hmm?'

I bit my lip, wondering how to put it all.

'I can't do this anymore,' I said, the words stumbling awkwardly out of my mouth as I frowned down at the cold tea in my hands. 'I don't know what to do… when I was with the Doctor, he could always think of something, but without him… I just don't even know where to start.' I looked up at him hopelessly, and saw that his expression had fallen, the stubborn positiveness that had been there before replaced with a slightly reluctant, saddened look of concern.

'Well alright, Rose,' he said, his voice low and noticeably softer than before. 'But promise me that if you ever think of something, that you'll give me a call.' He gave me a small smile, which I returned with a grateful one.

'Thank you, Mickey.'

'Any time, babe,' he got up of the armchair, crossed the small patch of carpet to where I sat on the sofa, and hugged me briefly. 'So,' he said once he'd straightened up, 'are you going shopping with your mum?'

I breathed a sigh.

'I suppose so,' I said, 'She wouldn't be impressed if I didn't go. Are you coming?'

'No, sorry,' Mickey smiled guiltily. 'I got a call from Jake sometime this morning – he says that there has been a report of some noises inside the old Cybus Industries building down by the water. It's probably just some kids mucking around inside there, but you know, it could be worth just checking out.'

I smiled properly for what must have been the first time in weeks. Seeing Mickey talk like this, all business and yet obviously excited about it all too… Parallel Earth must have been the best thing that had happened to him; he'd grown up so much since his first confrontation with the Cybermen.

'Well that's good,' I said, meaning it. 'Good luck.'

'Good luck with shopping with your mother,' he said, making a face.

'Shut up, you,' I grinned, picking up a cushion on the sofa next to me and hitting him with it. He laughed, picking up another cushion and hitting me back.

About a minute or two later, Mum came running into the room, only to stop, totally shocked, in the doorway. She looked from me to Mickey, much as she'd done that night when we'd been having a row in the bathroom. Except this time the picture was just a little bit different; I grinned at Mickey, my face pink from laughing, both of us clutching cushions in our hands.

I smiled at Mum, who was still standing as still as though someone had pointed a remote at her and pressed pause.

'Are we going shopping, Mum?' I asked cheerfully. After a few seconds she nodded, apparently still too shocked to be capable of anything else.

I threw the cushion back onto the sofa and practically bounded across the room.

'Off we go then!' I said cheerfully, taking Mum's arm and pulling her down the hall towards the front door, hearing Mickey's soft laughter behind us.


	10. Chapter 10

A couple of minutes later, Dad pulled up next to the curb outside the shopping centre. Mum leant across the seat to peck him goodbye on the lips.

'Thanks Pete,' she smiled and, unclipping her seatbelt, opened the door and got out. I hugged Mickey awkwardly across the seat.

'Have fun,' I grinned, and he grinned sheepishly back.

'You too,' he said. 'See you later!'

I got out of the car and stood with Mum as Dad drove off, making a U-turn back around to the road that lead to the Cybus Industries building.

'Ok,' Mum said, turning to me with eyes bright with excitement. I'd never really understood just what it was about going shopping that she found so exhilarating.

'I was thinking that we could look for some things for the baby first,' she continued, smiling, and I noticed her hand resting on her stomach, 'then we can look for some more things for you if you'd like. They've got a sale on at—'

'Yeah, that's fine,' I started walking towards the doors of the centre. 'Don't you think it's a bit early to be looking for stuff for the baby, though?'

Mum shrugged. 'Not really.'

'But it's only been three months…'

'So? Better to get everything early than late.'

I shrugged. Maybe she did have a point. We soon came to a store that looked promising, and spent the next hour or so looking at babies' bibs and booties and the like.

Mum picked up a tiny pink dress with a giggle of delight.

'Aww, isn't it gorgeous, Rose?' She lifted the dress up to show it to me. I peered out from behind the pile of baby gear in my arms, and raised my eyebrows.

'Sure, Mum,' I managed, blinking at the dress. 'But you don't even know if the baby's a girl…'

'That's true,' Mum agreed and, a looking at little crestfallen, put the dress back. 'Well, I suppose we've probably got enough for now.'

I grunted my agreement from under the weight of what I was holding, and the pair of us made our way over to the checkout. The girl from behind the counter sighed silently upon seeing us coming, and shot a glare at the blonde girl at the other checkout, mouthing 'They always come to _me_!' and rolling her eyes. The blonde girl snorted into her hand.

'Ahem,' Mum cleared her throat, and the other girl's attention snapped back to the pile in my arms. I dumped it on the counter, smiling pleasantly at her. She blinked back, then proceeded to swipe the barcodes of booties and jab at buttons on the register.

'That's fifty-seven pounds fifty, ma'am,' she said monotonously as Mum handed over the money. 'Thank you, have a nice day, goodbye.' The girl waved us off, glad to be rid of us. I glanced back over my shoulder to see her making a face to the other girl.

Mum frowned. 'Well, I wasn't that rude when I used to work in shops,' she muttered. I nodded vaguely, as we continued towards some other clothing stores on the 2nd floor.

We went into one and the pair of us started browsing the clothes racks.

'See anything you like?' Mum asked.

'Mmm, not yet,' I replied, flicking a couple of coat hangers aside to get a better look at one of the shirts. Mum peered around my shoulder.

'Oh, that _is_ nice, you should try it on!' She snatched up the shirt by its hanger and herded me over to the fitting rooms. I sighed.

'Here, I'll take that,' Mum said, taking the shopping bags full of baby clothes and toys. I sighed again, relieved to be rid of them. She handed me the shirt and I pulled the curtains over the opening of my cubicle, then tried the shirt on.

It was purple with buttons down the front, and it fitted me well. I turned in front of the mirror, trying to get a look at it from different angles. I was vaguely reminded of the shirt that I'd worn when the Doctor and I had visited New Earth – perhaps it was just the colour. I swallowed back the memories, and shrugging, I pulled back the curtain so that Mum could see. She gasped softly.

'Goodness! You look… professional.' She smiled, taking in the shirt. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other awkwardly.

'Professional?'

'Yeah, I think so,' said Mum. 'And neat. You could easily get through a job interview with that.'

I raised an eyebrow, but she seemed not to notice, merely continuing to smile at the shirt, looking satisfied for some reason or other.

'It looks lovely on you, lets get it,' she said.

I nodded vaguely, and drew the curtains again so I could change.


End file.
